Love is just a bloodsport... [video]

[headcheerbleeder]

Hi, everyone. If we haven't met yet, I'm Caroline.

[Caroline shows up on the mirror network midway through washing some blood out of a blouse she picked up from a troll. She's clearly trying to make the most of this whole situation, from the feathers and flowers she's worked into her practical braid to the way she's put a belt around her oversized troll shirt to give her a waist.]

So, this is a bit of an awkward question to ask, but you know what they say: the worst people can say is no. And a genie grants zero of the things you didn't wish for. So.

[She tucks the bloody blouse out of the frame.]

As some of you may know, I'm a vampire. Please let me finish before you interrupt, because I know that there are a lot of misconceptions about vampires out there, and I just want you all to know that I'm a good vampire. You're totally safe around me. I haven't lost control of my bloodlust since I first turned and I don't have any intention of doing so again.

To make sure I'm not chomping on anyone's necks, I've been doing the "Bambi Diet", which is where I do all my feeding on small animals. But here's the issue: the Bambi Diet sucks. Imagine if the only thing you could ever eat for the rest of your life was unflavored protein shakes? That's what the Bambi Diet's like.

Plus, I have a lot of really useful skills like superspeed and strength, and I can't really access that if I'm just on the Bambi Diet. It's like, again, protein shakes but no carbs or veggies? My hair's probably going to start falling out from it eventually.

So, what I'd like to ask is if anyone would be willing to maybe let me feed on them once in a while. I promise it doesn't hurt, and I promise I have total control over how much I take. I don't even have to take it directly from your neck; you can put it in a cup or a waterskin or something and that works just fine.

Anyone willing to help a girl out?

Answering the age old question... [Video]

[circusbat]

[It's been a topic of debate around many bachelorette parties and girls' nights out. More than a few boys' nights out, too. Not to mention a few villainous meet ups.]

[Just what DOES the Bat wear under that suit?]

[The mirror shows a man in his late twenties, possibly very early thirties, wearing a thin t-shirt and boxer shorts. Blue boxer shorts with a red S in a shield. Very similar to the symbol somebody else wears as well. His black hair and blue eyes are similar to somebody else, too.]

[He looks surprisingly unperturbed by everything at the moment.]

So. This is not what I was expecting when I thought I heard something in the living room. Instead of an intruder, I've got...an entire forest? Pretty sure I missed something big.

[Nobody needs to know about the suit of black armor that he's had to leave behind. Whatever's happening here took the "Dark Knight" moniker a bit too seriously. If the cape had been impossible to work with, the entire suit was more than he could deal with now.]

[He'd cope. And the story at least gave him a plausible reason for having his escrima sticks with him.]

Meat N' Greet

[konman]

Okay, so...

It's great that people keep hunting today? That's super.

But we need to dress these animals and preserve as much of the meat as we can. Like pronto. Before it goes bad.

[He looks skyward, as if beseeching the gods to deliver him from this but here he is.]

I know how to do both because I live on a farm but there's no way I'm descending to the ninth circle of farmboy hell - presumably led there by Kenney Chesney as my Virgil - by myself.

So if you know how to dress animals - or are willing to get your hands dirty and can follow directions - head out near the pile of animals near the woods.

I also need people to gather firewood so we can smoke some of the meat. And look for dry, clean things to wrap it in so we can carry it. Paper would be good. If you can try to see if the people who lived here have some salt, that'd be great, too. You can smoke meat without it, but it preserves better with salt.

I already have the sharpest knives I could find out here.

Actually, this would be a good time to coordinate gathering and preserving and carrying any food in general. And other supplies. We don't know where we're going but we'll probably have to head somewhere to figure this situation out.