Love is just a bloodsport... [video]

[headcheerbleeder]

Hi, everyone. If we haven't met yet, I'm Caroline.

[Caroline shows up on the mirror network midway through washing some blood out of a blouse she picked up from a troll. She's clearly trying to make the most of this whole situation, from the feathers and flowers she's worked into her practical braid to the way she's put a belt around her oversized troll shirt to give her a waist.]

So, this is a bit of an awkward question to ask, but you know what they say: the worst people can say is no. And a genie grants zero of the things you didn't wish for. So.

[She tucks the bloody blouse out of the frame.]

As some of you may know, I'm a vampire. Please let me finish before you interrupt, because I know that there are a lot of misconceptions about vampires out there, and I just want you all to know that I'm a good vampire. You're totally safe around me. I haven't lost control of my bloodlust since I first turned and I don't have any intention of doing so again.

To make sure I'm not chomping on anyone's necks, I've been doing the "Bambi Diet", which is where I do all my feeding on small animals. But here's the issue: the Bambi Diet sucks. Imagine if the only thing you could ever eat for the rest of your life was unflavored protein shakes? That's what the Bambi Diet's like.

Plus, I have a lot of really useful skills like superspeed and strength, and I can't really access that if I'm just on the Bambi Diet. It's like, again, protein shakes but no carbs or veggies? My hair's probably going to start falling out from it eventually.

So, what I'd like to ask is if anyone would be willing to maybe let me feed on them once in a while. I promise it doesn't hurt, and I promise I have total control over how much I take. I don't even have to take it directly from your neck; you can put it in a cup or a waterskin or something and that works just fine.

Anyone willing to help a girl out?

Comments

[konman]

[He doesn't know yet that his blood would taste like toxic waste because he still hasn't discovered his dark powers.]

I'm willing to do it but the only problem is I'm only half human. I don't know what the other half would do to you.

Especially since the alien half of my physiology loves absorbing yellow sunlight - even if my powers aren't working right now.

Are you the kind of vampire that's hurt by sunlight?

[headcheerbleeder]

[How nice, someone volunteering right off the bat! Definitely a good sign, even if his credentials mean that drinking his blood is probably a quick jog ​down a bad road.]

Thanks so much! I'll keep you in mind if no one else steps up - unfortunately, the sunlight and me don't really have a great track record together. [She holds up her hand to display an ostentatiously large, ugly ring.] This ring keeps me from bursting into flames, but it already failed on me once while I was here, so I don't want to test it.

Maybe we could try with a few drops and see how that feels?

[konman]

I'd be willing to do that. Although I'd prefer if we found a way to have me bleed into something.

[the_hit_list]

What are you both doing? This sounds like the near opposite of mentoring the other vampires and keeping them on the Bambi diet with a good example.

[headcheerbleeder]

I can still mentor other vampires into not going on bloody rampages eating people. It's the murder that's the problem, not the blood-drinking.

It honestly just sounds like you don't trust vampires.

[headcheerbleeder]

I'll go looking for a cup in these old homes!

[konman]

Tim, it sounds like that kind of diet might keep them alive but also make some of them sick.

They'll probably have to stick to animals for most of what they eat but if a few people willingly donate occasionally to help them stay healthier, what's the big deal?

How's it any different from donating blood to someone with a blood disease?

[konman]

I wouldn't take it personal, Tim doesn't trust a lot of people.

[headcheerbleeder]

Okay, well. My feelings are harder to hurt than that, I guess.

[But she's still giving Tim a bit of stink-eye. Caroline's gone through a lot of pain from people whose opinions she values far more than Tim's in order to not be considered a soulless monster over something someone else did to her.]

[the_hit_list]

[ Ordinarily, he might pretend to refute that if he didn’t think that it would make everything even more tense. ]

I trusted you eventually.

[konman]

Rephrase.

It takes Tim time to trust people.

[It's an honest appraisal and a little more fair to his best friend.]

[the_hit_list]

You only have her word on the need and the effects, and the only real motivation she has to be truthful is group dynamics and the threat of ostracization.

Alternatively, we only really have rumours and legend to turn down the request, which is why I tried to not say anything anti-vampire because I don’t really know.

And neither of you know what effect your blood will have on her.

All I want is more caution.

[konman]

You could say that about basically everyone.

Anybody could be lying about anything. For all people know, I'm not half anything, I'm a full alien who wants to destroy all humans and eats brains and I'm puppeting you as my mindslave with my psychic alien powers - fueled by all the brain-eating - so you'll do my evil bidding.

The only way we're getting through all this is trying our best to trust and looking out for each other.

And what someone is shouldn't stop anyone from helping them.

[He crosses his arms.]

We can try just a few drops of blood at first to see if it's safe on her end. She'll probably need to be careful about the blood of even normal humans here - it could still be different somehow.

[the_hit_list]

It really isn’t personal. I know you have no reason to believe me either, but I really don’t want to see anyone hurt, in any way, and that includes you.

It might include him more, if I’m being honest, but he’s my best friend.

[millenyal_pink]

I can take one for the team on this, if you want. I don't know if my blood will do anything weird, but I do know that the chances of it setting you on fire are pretty low.

Also, I have built-in defense mechanisms in case something goes wrong. That built-in defense mechanism may end up with one, or both of us dead, but I figure that's probably a better risk than someone who can't defend themselves.

[headcheerbleeder]

Thanks! But what do you mean by built-in defense mechanism...?

[headcheerbleeder]

[She's still wary.]

You understand that even though you don't mean it to be personal, there are only two known vampires here, so it kind of feels personal. We didn't ask to be vampires. I'm just trying to be transparent about a way to make this work that's safe for everyone.

[millenyal_pink]

Uh... if I'm about to die I can turn into a big cat-monster, but I'll also go kind of berserk. It's more of an insurance policy, than anything.

I want to make it clear that I'm not making a threat. I don't get diseased easily, and I heal quickly, so honestly it sounds like I'm probably one of the better candidates. The defense mechanism is, like, the nuclear, last-ditch option if really bad shit is happening. It's not really applicable in this situation.

[the_hit_list]

[ Tim could and would say that privately about almost every person in the encampment, but here he quietly takes the hit. No point in arguing that he’s not paranoid when Kon has seen him layer domino masks. ]

If I were your puppet mindslave doing your evil bidding, I hope you’d come up with a more interesting scheme.

[ He can see where this is going. Kon is something of a metahuman; she’s something of a metahuman. It’s not necessarily the same, though. ]

I know that. I don’t hold what people are against them.

[ He holds what they’ve done against them. It’s an important distinction, when that potentially includes drinking Kon’s blood. Putting it in a cup first is the only reason he’s not threatening to intervene - and even then, he wants to. ]

At least get one of people who can heal on board before you two try this.

[ Tim knows his way around tourniquets and bandages, but he’s not actively condoning this by offering to help first. ]

[headcheerbleeder]

Oh. Hmm. [Caroline sucks her teeth for a second.] Is it like lycanthropy? Because - first of all, I think lycanthropy is great, it's not any sort of prejudice - but werewolf blood is poison to me, even a few drops.

And it's okay, I didn't think you were making a threat! All part of being a not-quite-human person, right?

[millenyal_pink]

Kind of? Not really. It depends on why werewolf blood is poison.

Where I come from shifter blood is, like, super good for vampires. Like drinking animal blood versus drinking human blood, I guess?

...How poisonous are we talking here? Like, drop dead in an instant poison or stomachache poison?

[konman]

Nah, I was planning on finding the nearest rusty cutlery and bleeding all over everyone after, and was just going to let the boo-boo air dry.

[tr1xx]

[ Cammie comes on holding her hand up like she’s volunteering in class, because she’s like that. ]

I wouldn’t mind, an’ I’m bogstandard human as they come. Plus, I’m pretty sure that superspeed and such is why I’m even still kickin’, only seems fair.

[likeits1999]

Hey uh, if you get any takers, can... can I share?

[ Kevin's body language even through the mirror is that making-himself-small thing he tends to do when he feels like he shouldn't be somewhere. He's awkward about asking it, he knows it's a big ask. ]

It's cool if not because like, bro, I get it. I super get it.

And like, I guess if anyone sees this who knows me, yeah dude I could also stand to do blood sometimes. I'm lucky cause I don't need a lot compared to most vampires I think, and I won't die again or nothing if I gotta keep eating off animals. So that's fine. But...

[ Kevin swallows awkwardly. ]

...yeah.

[headcheerbleeder]

[In sharp contrast to Kevin, Caroline is all beaming, sunny confidence, as if she's appointed herself the buoy to keep everyone else above water.]

Of course you can share. Don't be silly. I mean, so long as the person donating it doesn't mind.