wildestlands | making your insomnia everyone else's problem [video]

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making your insomnia everyone else's problem [video]

[ It's late, like, super late. Like 'if any of us had a clock to go off it'd probably read 3am' kind of late. The stars are shining clear in the sky and the only light on the feed is from the Heartstone, not even a fire. Wherever Cammie's settled, she's not right next to anyone else in the group for some reason or another.

Cammie is also, notably, not on any watch rotation. Also also, she's totally human, aka: neither nocturnal, nor able to get by without sleeping at all. She's fastening her ears back around her ponytail, as the live feed starts, which means she probably at least gave sleeping a go—there's even some makeshift blankets wrapped around her shoulders—but she's awake now, looking tired as anything but perky, too. Only the particular observant may note the slightly haunted look beneath the teenage bravado and energetic way she speaks. ]

Christ, I'm bored. What's a girl s'posed to do around here when it's too dark an' cold out to go on a walk or somethin', eh? Call me addicted to technology all ye like, but the Ether's a blessin' when—

[ She coughs, does not finish that sentence. She admits she's up because of nightmares and precedent from home tells her someone will stage an intervention. ]

Anyway. Some of youse must still be up, aye? Anyone wanna play like— what did people play before the Ether... —2 truths 1 lie? Truth or dare? Hell, I'd say 20 questions but I think the multiverse makes that kinda complicated. Imagine someone picks somethin' only found in their universe. Practically amounts to cheatin' and ye might not even know ye doin' it.

...but, seriously, I'm goin' out of my mind doin' nothin' right now, surely I cannae be the only one?

[ There's a nonzero chance this broadcast wakes up people who weren't, actually, already awake at 3am, but Cammie's decided that's worth the risk right now. Sorry everyone. ]

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Aye, that's fair. It's hard to describe. It's different than the way the memories thing happened on the rig—though it sure made that less weird for me than I bet it was for some of youse.

But there's no real equivalent to it. It's a new thing, even where I'm from. Only works with specific people and specific tech. Only other thing I could call it's like a temporary fusion of souls, though I dinnae ken if soul is really the right thing to call it... ach, it's really just hard to explain.

[ It isn't even the tech side of it, necessarily, that's hard to pin down. It's the experience of becoming someone else because your minds are merged into one. It's not being just Cammie, in the moment, but being some mix of herself and the others.

It's an experience that only six people can ever have, unless GL expands one day. It's an experience that only five of those six ever have had. At least, in her world. ]

It sounds...intimate.

[It sounds awful, but Dan's trying to keep that low-key horror out of his voice. Dan's a much more private person than this conversation, or his general bearing, would suggest, but there's a reason that he's told so few details about his personal life during this game. Everything he's given up has been calculated.

The idea of sharing something so personal as a soul, or the equivalent, makes his skin crawl.]

Is it...does it feel good, or bad, or is it just kind of...is?

Kinda just is, but also kinda good? Mostly 'cause, like, you can do things as a single unit that ye could never do alone. Think in new ways, learn new things... if I'm merged with someone I can actually shoot straight, sometimes. We fight better, too, more unpredictably. We wouldn't have beat Nemesis, this other big robot guy that could fuck us up like nothin' else could, without it.

[ Cammie's always been the member of her team that has the least qualms about mindshare, but she's not a stranger to the idea it might be weird or event scary to some folks—Kazu was initially hesitant to have his memories shared, and Chase was damn well terrified of losing parts of himself to it, both just got over that. But even though she knows that, right now she isn't considering how horrifying it may actually be for some to even think about.

Because to her, it's never been scary. Her first experience with mindshare was Yaz giving her sight, after she had her head ripped off. Her second was to save Yaz, Val using her eyes to line up a shot. Her and Kazu, her and the whole group, every time since... it brings her closer, to her friends, she feels like.

It bolsters her where she has failings, and though she has a lot that she bottles up, a lot she tries to hide, she doesn't worry so much about memories because outside of that she's an open book. It makes people question the things she doesn't share, less, she thinks. (She'd be wrong, she has no idea just how much the others discuss how to help her behind her back, how much the things she doesn't say reveals all on their own.) ]

I reckon it'd be nice to learn new things. [Nice, and absolutely not worth it if it means blending the parts of you that are private, shameful, secret, tender or complicated with someone else. Dan can't help but feel his stomach turn at the very idea, but maybe that's just because he thinks of himself as very independent.

He has to remind himself that not everyone was raised to be an island the way he was, out there in the desert, cut off from society. Not everyone panics at the idea of commitment or buries all their secrets so deep they can never be exhumed. Not everyone says to themselves: I don't want community. I want freedom.]

But I don't imagine it'd be the technology I'd ever seek out first, if it were an option.

It is risky. For one, the more ye mindshare in a session, the more ye change, if ye change too much and don't disconnect in time to reset ye might get... stuck, in the robot? So.

[ It's absolutely not the main issue to have with the idea of the technology, but the shift is a small sign she's picked up on the hesitance subconsciously, even if not consciously. She's a clever and observant girl, Cammie, just not always quick on the draw. ]

But, yeah, that's all a very long way to say that wasn't meant to be the lie. Dad used to call me Bunny or Bun, it's Valentina that calls me Little Bunny, or sometimes Moya Zaika—same thing in Ukranian.

She's one of my team. She's super cool.

That's cute. Moya Zaika. I'll have to call Bunny that at some point, see if he picks up on it.

[He smiles gently at her.]

So, how are you feeling about sleep now? Your brain tuckered out yet?

Absolutely you should. It is super cute.

[ She loves that nickname, it reminds her of what her dad called her for one but more than that it helps her feel like she's part of the weird little family the team had started to become. God, she wishes even one of them was here, sometimes, but that's unfair to want. ]

Maybe. [ not really, she's so scared to sleep and have the nightmare come back, but ] Probably, I mean. Cannae stay up all night, right?

[ Two uncertain answers and a non-answer trying to disguise themselves as a yes. Cammie is very used to dodging questions about her sleeping habits. But if she doesn't sleep she's even more useless to the group than usual, so. Maybe she should try again. ]

I don't know, I do sometimes. [Dan smiles. His own internal rhythm has him waking up in the afternoon and going to sleep at sunrise. He takes another drink.]

Look, if you would sleep easier around company - I know I do - you're welcome to stop by our place. We can keep chit-chatting if you're still too awake and one of us can keep watch if you ain't.

[ Cammie’s ears give away the flash of surprise, then uncertainty and thought—straight upright, then rotating, spreading out and down. That’s the problem with pre-programmed emotional responses, she has to remember to override them if she wants to play it cool.

She considers the excuses she could give, if she wanted: she doesn’t want to keep anyone up, not really, but Dan’s already implied that might not be an issue; she doesn’t want to get told she has to sleep, but Dan’s already offered to keep chatting for a while. The only real thing is she doesn’t want to give away she has nightmares, but there’s no guarantee she’ll sleep or that it’ll rear its ugly head again if she does. ]

…aye, that might help. If ye really don’t mind.

I don't at all. I get a lot of nightmares when I sleep, and I'm a pretty intense night owl, so I'd probably be up a while longer whether you stopped by or not.

[He guesses, just by probability and by the nature of the nightrenders' attack, that that might be why Cammie's up at such a late hour, and wants to float it out there that there's nothing to be ashamed of. It's hard to sleep after a traumatic event. That's just how it is.]

[ She does seem to relax a little at that—not enough to admit she has her own, especially not over the mirrors, but she does relax. It's one of those little hypocrisies really, she judges herself for having nightmares in a way she'd never judge someone else. ]

Okay. Thanks, uh— where are you guys set up again?

Two hundred yards direct east of the Heartstone, the little troll house with the fire out front. You'll see me.

[And with that, Dan's going to pop inside the home to let Bunny know they'll have company overnight - he knows Bunny won't mind - and make sure there are enough blankets and pillows for him and Cammie to rest comfortably in the little open-air space in front of the house, next to the fire.]

[ Cammie picks herself up from where she's situated herself a ways from where most people have ended up bedding down—she's still never figured out if she shouts when she wakes up, it's half courtesy half secrecy—and makes her way there. She appears wearing the blanket she's been using like a cape, keeping herself warm on the way over, and raises a hand in a little wave. ]

Hey. [ she flashes a smile, tired but genuine ] Thanks, again. This not sleepin' thing is usually a lonely business.

[ It's said like she's joking, but considering the whole 'please someone talk to me' on the mirror starting this in the first place, it's rather transparent, really. ]

Trust me, I got a lot of experience with that.

[Dan waves back at her; he and Bunny, who's sleeping inside, have set up a little firepit at the front of the house they're staying at, a few logs arranged in a semi-circle around a fire Dan's stoking as he sits on a pillow. There are some blankets and another pillow piled at the corner of one of the logs, and a basket of berries at Dan's ankle.]

If the world ran on my schedule, we'd be going to bed at six in the morning. I've spent many a night sitting up, twiddling my thumbs, while other folks turned in at midnight. [He holds the basket out, taking a berry for himself to prove that they aren't poison. Cammie doesn't seem the paranoid type, but there are enough people that are that Dan's made demonstrations of safety a habit.] Blackberries?

[ She takes a few with another 'thanks', because she is kinda hungry, another pain in the arse about always being awake so late. Then she shuffles to sit herself down on the other pillow and get comfortable, wrapping up in one of the blankets as well as her own. She sits in a rather distinctive way, crouched balanced on her toes, knees up; seems perfectly comfortable. ]

I had a time like that as a kid. Drove Dad and Gran nuts, tryna get me up in the mornin' when I still went to school. But I kinda got into a 'normal' [ she physically mimes the quotes ] schedule for a while with Pol Cy, but then— well, didn't stick.

[ Then the nightmares started, more like. She wasn't doing so bad sticking to the whole military sleep pattern until then. ]

Ye have much luck keepin' busy? I usually game or work when I really cannae get off, but obviously I cannae do that these days. Not since arrivin' on the rig.

[Dan notes the way she sits - it's a good position to launch herself up to her feet quickly. He doesn't blame her. Even if she trusts him - and truly, they've just met - they did get ambushed back at the faire.

There's a tinge of sadness in his smile as she tells her about her childhood night owl habits, because he remembers. He remembers laying there in the dark, bored and silent, while his siblings and parents slept, all of them crammed into a small underground room.]

Well, camp like this, there's always something to do. Late night like this, I do my tailoring until my eyes get too sore from the firelight. [He holds up a shirt that's been sitting in his lap and a threaded needle; it glistens in the firelight. It's funny to him that he finds it soothing; his real surname meant "tailor", way back in the day, and he didn't find that out until he learned French.] You got anything in need of patching or altering?

[ She tilts her head, idly bouncing on the balls of her feet as she thinks. ]

Mostly think I'm good. Kinda had to get changed real quick after I got here, the suit I got back from Jorg's lockup was tech-heavy, got hard to move in after it shorted out. Used most of my coin at the faire on what I'm in now. Haven't torn it yet, but— I'll remember who to come to if I do, 'cause I probably will.

I don't got a lot of hands-on skills like that, is the thing. Everythin' I do is tech, guess we're kinda opposites on that.

[ It marks her a bit out of her depth, here in this place. On the rig, she could still use her tech skills to help folks, it was most of her contribution to the group. Here... she feels kinda useless. Hell, she had to be saved more than once at the faire. ]

Definitely. If we ever find ourselves in a situation where we're surrounded by computers and internets, I'm going to cling to you like a barnacle. [Dan tilts his head at her, then holds the needle and thread out.] Would you like to learn? I can teach you how to do a basic stitch - that way you can fix up your own clothes, and do some real quick and dirty field aid.

[Dan enjoys teaching, and the only way to get hands-on skills is to practice under someone else's guidance.]

[ Her nose wrinkles just slightly at the idea of needing it for quick and dirty field aid, even though she knows that's important, because christ she misses battles where no one's fleshy bits get hurt, but she only considers for a second before nodding and holding her hands out to take it.

The thing about Cammie is she wants to be useful, she really does. It drives her up the wall when she feels like she's got nothing to contribute. So learning anything even slightly useful is actually welcome. ]

Aye, sure, why not, cannae hurt—well, except for me inevitably stabbin' myself in the fingers a lot, that is.

We'll go slow so you don't stab yourself too much.

[Dan gets up and goes and crouches to her side, showing her where the seam he's been mending is on the shirt.] This is a real simple stitch my mom taught me. I grew up out in the middle of nowhere, so we had to make our clothing last, especially the winter stuff. Reckon we'll need to do the same here.

[He doesn't talk much about his family, but this is surface-level enough that the sting isn't there. He demonstrates slowly how the stitch works.]

Honestly, the hardest part about tailoring is threading the needle.

[ Cammie watches closely, her ears upright and one rotated towards Dan, instead of facing forward, to listen specifically to him. She's an attentive student when she actually wants to be.

It doesn't look too hard. Fiddlier than the mechanical stuff that counts as her single hands-on skill, but not too hard. She nods along. ]

My dad taught me how to code, instead. Think stuff like this was always Gran's area, an' she was the kind to just do it an' dump whatever ye bust on ye bed when she was done, whether ye were asleep in it or not at the time.

[ She pushes down a wave of homesickness. They've been hitting hard on and off since they woke up here, harder than they even did on the rig. Probably the whole 'second new universe' thing. ]

An' no kiddin', gettin' that through that looks... well. Fiddly. [ when Dan's demonstrated, she'll attempt to give it a go herself, continuing on from where he was ] Hopefully ye good at unpickin' if I muck this up tryin'.

[Dan smiles as he passes the needle and thread over to her, loving to hear all of this about her. It makes him feel close to but not trapped by people, learning about them without giving too much personal information in turn.]

Oh, don't worry, I'm great at ripping a seam out. For a long time I used to make sure whenever I went out shoplifting I'd have the seams of my sweater fit to tear away in case anyone tried to grab me on my way out the door.

[He watches closely how she does it, making only the slightest correction to how she's holding the shirt while she goes.] You're doing great. Must have could got nimble fingers from all the typing.

That's clever. Part of my hackin' toolkit is an escape thing, lets me sorta rip open a connection to another area so I can hop through. It's quick an' nasty code, but it's saved my arse a few times.

[ Gotta have some contingencies when you're doing shite that could well get you arrested if you're caught, she knows that in her own way; with the Ether being VR, getting caught can sometimes be a lot more literal for Cammie than traditional hackers.

She grins when he says she's doing great—almost pricks herself by getting distracted, but only almost. ]

Heh, that could be it. It is a lot of typin'.

I might could get the hang of the computer thing if I were imagining it as physical things. [He purses his lips and nods, considering it; he still doesn't really understand what she's talking about, but he gets that they're along similar concepts.]

Make the stitches a little wider for this part, since you're about to go through a part of the shirt that needs to stretch. [Dan shows her how the stitch changes at the other arm of the shirt.] If we ever end up in some technological world, you can repay the favor by keeping me from completely embarrassing myself.

Wider. Gotcha. [ she squints at the other arm, and does her best to adjust her stitches ] We ever do and I totally will, ye can hold me to that. I'm probably not so great a teacher buuuut...

[ She shrugs. Her dad taught her a lot of what she knows, but she taught herself just as much after he died; she could probably figure out how to pass on the basics. She just keeps that to herself, because the awkward sympathy dance people get into when you're a teenage orphan is... well, awkward. ]

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