Denizen of the Underworld

[hellbentley]

[Crowley is sitting in the afternoon sun in a casual sprawl outside, with a rock to his back. He's mostly healed and cleaned up. The little cut on his neck is almost gone. His voice is still a little bit hoarse but not as bad as it was. He had to trash his little gray scarf. No way was he getting the blood stains out. Fortunately his jacket and shirt are darker so it helps hide the blood stains.]

[He's definitely trying to cultivate a cucumber cool look, because vulnerability just isn't his thing.]

[He doesn't know how many people happened to be on their mirrors during the...incident. But at least one of his two attackers walked away angry, yelling about how he'd set the place on fire. The Easter Bunny is also awfully suspicious of him.]

[And word gets around.]

[He's got to control the narrative, especially since Aziraphale would absolutely get between him and a mob. He's not used to there needing to being any narrative at all since humans never pick up on what he is, so he's not sure how to go about this.]

Alright. I don't actually know how many of you saw me exposed for what I am on these things, but I know at least a few people know now. And people talk. At this point, it's best if I'm just up front about it.

My name is Crowley and I'm a demon.

That probably means all different things in all different worlds. In mine it means a former servant of the Lord, fallen from grace, now an infernal being from the Pit, tempter of souls, et cetera et cetera.

And I was good at it. I was the serpent who talked Eve into eating the forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden. [He looks into the distance and juts out his jaw a little.] My boss took credit for that one. Bosses for you, am I right?

[The cavalier attitude fades a little.]

Look, I didn't ask to be here and I'm not going to cause any trouble. I just want to stay alive, carry my weight, and then take my best friend and go home when it's all over. Back home, I'm not even working for Hell anymore anyway. I got fired.

So how about I continue leaving everyone be and everyone leaves me be, and we leave it at that?

[He raises a finger.]

Also, I would greatly appreciate it if people would stop poisoning the food with blessed substances. You don't see me going around putting cyanide in everything or something, do you? The only time I've ever messed with a human food supply was the time I exchanged a truck load of communion wafers with stale cream crackers.

It was mostly just for a giggle. Nobody even noticed the difference anyway.

Comments

[bringinghopewithme]

Goodness gracious. Who would have guessed?

[It's Bunny. He guessed.]

[hellbentley]

Look, I feel like my initial hesitation in revealing this was entirely justified.

Someone tried to kill me before we even met by putting consecrated salt in the food supply, just for the heck of it, hoping to smoke out some infernal beings. And then tried finish the job with an exorcism less than a minute after finding out what I was.

And that's not even getting into it with the fellow that had the great big, bloody sword. [A pause.] He's alright, though, he at least backed down.

[diedforyoursins]

[Kaworu's been mostly just staying quiet and observing. He does that a lot. But it seems like a good moment to chime in if they're to avoid this kind of incident in the future – and he really would like them to. It'd be a shame for a group like this to tear itself apart.]

Words mean different things to different people even in the simplest situation. With everyone here seemingly coming from different worlds, it's no surprise that some have very different reactions to the idea of "demons". People get too wrapped up in their own perspectives to consider others.

For what it's worth, angels are driven to wipe out humanity where I come from. Most of the time.

[hellbentley]

Oh, we had a little bit of that, too. Both sides were keen on fighting the final battle and didn't care that humanity would be destroyed in the process.

[unsealthecatbox]

[Oh, a demon. Ange should have figured it was matter of time before someone turned out to be one. It's like this place is trying to complete some sort of checklist and get one of every supernatural being out there. Still, she comments, pretty nonchalant]

Ah. You're better dressed than most demons I have known.

[But that's because Ryukishi07 in Umineko has a knack for giving female fantasy characters outfits that show their thighs, and that includes almost all the demons except a male one. It's not great]

[hellbentley]

[It's not a response he was expecting.]

[He raises an eyebrow.]

I try.

[hasapoint]

So on your plane, a demon's a Guardian Spirit or an Avatar that's repudiated by its patron god, if I can translate terms.

[Need's Mindvoice is metal on stone as she keeps herself from sneering at discussing demons at all. She'd like to be neutral.]

Were you human once, or is this a created-entire situation?

[hellbentley]

We've only got the one God.

[He looks distinctly uncomfortable talking about Her in depth.]

And I was never human. Angels were created to serve Her. To help with the building of Creation. To act as her agents on Earth.

But some of us Fell and became something else. We did things that made us lose her favor.

[The capital "F" is very obvious.]

[His body language is very pensive and uncomfortable when talking about this.]

[cachedout]

Damn, I miss everything around here, don't I?

[ He was busy! There is so much useful that needs doing these days! ]

For the record, I'm very disappointed in everyone and you're all grounded.

[hellbentley]

Am I grounded?

[His tone suggests it's very not fair if he is.]

[okayimin]

[ small nun presses [X] to doubt. ]

You don't sound like a very good demon. Is that your own body too?

[hellbentley]

[He makes a lightly scandalized noise.]

Listen, I was responsible for some of the most creative evil schemes in all of demon-dom on my world.

[A long pause.]

They just...didn't necessarily do much actual damage. But they were creative.

[slowmotionbuscrash]

Is that why some of the food tastes weird? I thought it was proof that all that hippie free range stuff was made up for marketing, cause some of it tastes like they lived on jalapeños and vinegar.

Not cool guys. Only food goes in food.

[hellbentley]

...Consecrated salt shouldn't affect humans.

Are you a demon as well?

[He's a little concerned about that. Given that he knows how dickish his own kind is.]

[kingofneworleans]

[It takes a few minutes for Remy to reply. Digesting what's happened and what Crowley's said. He looks...maybe not sympathetic, but there's something like that on his face.]

De way I've al'ays seen it back home, humans are way worse to each ot'er dan any creature in Heaven or Hell could be. Still willin' to work wit' mos' of dem. Can't do less dan exten' dat same to you.

[hellbentley]

[Oh, hey, someone who gets it.]

Humans are more creatively evil than any demon I've ever met.

I used to falsify reports to the home office by saying I was responsible for some of the very worst things humankind was responsible for.

The Spanish Inquisition. World War 2. Black Friday sales.

I never had to do much evil myself. There was always something terrible I could just take credit for.

[ragefeathers]

Oh, is this the guy who was asking about making holy water earlier? I bet it was him.

Anyway you seem alright.

[hellbentley]

I wasn't here for that, but that's probably the one. Deep voice, disturbingly symmetrical face?

And...thank...you?

[He's very confused by the acceptance.]

[oldbookshop]

You say take your best friend and go home like you're talking about a luggage set.

[ He is working on what to do with a handful of repeated Best Friend Status. Living in that experience. But in a good way. Obviously the thing to do is poorly pretend to be huffy about something petty.

What was he doing, before he detoured to be a pedant on purpose.

Oh right. Releasing another cat from another bag in the hopes of safely bolstering the first one.

(If he's also quietly judging other responses on a basis of feeling proud of or making notes to be more careful of certain people, that is his business. A little bit of guardianship, as a treat.) ]

Which is more to say, hello again, all. I'm still Aziraphale. But in the interest of full disclosure, um. The Principality Aziraphale. Angel of the Eastern Gate of Eden. Technically. I've known Crowley for quite some time, and I'm happy to reiterate that he's nothing if not steadfast. Take it up with me anytime you like.

In any event, what happened absolutely cannot happen again. It's unacceptable. My feet are very firmly planted on the matter.

[ What he means he's putting his foot down. Six of one, half dozen of the other.

The important thing is if a scrub wants to square up they have to square up with the one who probably has a vintage handkerchief up his sleeve for a bad magic trick. Respectfully. ]

[hellbentley]

[Oh, look, a smile.]

[There's a joke to be made here about his best friend dressing like a luggage set, because really, those tartan prints and couch-like embroidered fabrics evoke a certain Look, but they wouldn't have remained friends all these years if they knocked each other's sense of style.]

[That much.]

[Because they would have ever so much to have comments on.]

Look, I think the instinct to grab you and jet-set out of here on the Concorde is fairly understandable. The luggage comparison actually works and it's all your own fault for thinking it up.

[diedforyoursins]

It's nice to meet you properly, Aziraphale.

[Tidy red crayon while he processes.

This is all making Kaworu feel some kind if way, but he can't even really identify it himself. Not surprise – there were enough clues to guess it – but there's still a sort of...awe, almost. Intrigue, maybe. These two, Crowley and Aziraphale, are celestial beings in the literally biblical sense. Stories that were elevated to myth, born of the snippets of truth from the Dead Sea Scrolls that were allowed to be leaked to the rest of humanity. In some other world, all those stories are the truth.

Kaworu is not the same, whatever anyone calls him. Still, it feels almost warming. A sense of connection, even if it's based only on a word that means something very different to each of them.

At least Aziraphale appreciates music. That's more than Kaworu could ever say about any of his true siblings.]

[hasapoint]

Your lot goes in for a lot more formality than mine. Interesting.

[He's also more fidgety than the old created-entire Avatars Need has known.]

[bringinghopewithme]

Well, it's not often I get to go "huh, those are real?"

[wisdomreceiver]

[Henry watches through the mirror without realizing he's broadcasting a response. He is mostly busy being horrified at how tactless he must have been when he said this. After all, Crowley didn't respond, understandably so. Was he offended? Oh man, now there are going to be so many fantastic racism problems, or something, will the Sword of Obedience even work on this guy?

When Henry internally asks himself these and many other questions he just mutters, and accidentally broadcasts:]

Oh. OH. SHIT.

[myagents]

[Witnessing Crowley is somewhat endearing to Price. Maybe because to some extent he relates. Which, he realizes, is probably very cheesy (and very telling about where his self esteem is currently at). It's alright, he doesn't have to voice it. Seeing how people and - ugh - Bunny are being mean to him gives Price courage to actually interact on the network for the first time.]

Greetings, Crowley, it's nice to meet you. I am Dr. Aiden Price. I am sorry to hear you were poisoned. From what I am understanding, the choice to consacrate the food was made in order to purify it from possible unknown components that are strictly from this universe and might be damaging for us who have been brought from another dimensions.

Aside from blessed substances, are there any other food restrictions we should be aware of? I am sure we will be able to find something more suitable for your diet.

[There, he was available and polite. See? He's perfectly capable of being nice. Hopefully it will not be like on the Rig where whenever he would say something on the network he would get dogpiled with hate messages.]

[oldbookshop]

[ Aha. A person he properly met already! ]

Hello again, Mister Price. [ Oh wait. ] Oh, or do you prefer 'doctor'?

It's very kind of you to offer some clarification either way, of course. Although I do suspect there was a bit of an inlaid motive to-- smoke certain beings out, as it were. Natural complication of coming in from so many different worlds.

[ He says like any demon from home apart from Crowley wouldn't have been doing actively awful, probably murderous things over and again by now. Exception and not the rule and all that. Still, though. ]