Chantry Sanctioned Swears

[okayimin]

[ The view from the mirror is mostly blurred trees as shaking hands fumble with it and a furious voice rants. ]

-expect me to believe this isn't some Fade nonsense. Of all the Stone deaf, sunblind, nugfucked shit-

[ The rant dies down to muttering, some creative profanities still audible. When the mirror is finally turned the right way, it shows a young woman (Dwarven to those who would recognize). She's wearing a nun's habit and wimple, though the reds and whites are a bit dull from dust and blood. A large s-shaped brand covers her left cheek. There are dark circles under her eyes. And she is clearly furious. ]

Right! I don't know what you lot are up to now, but I've had my fill of it. We're in the middle of a blasted war, if you haven't noticed. I'm very sure there are others who would be happy to indulge in this kind of magic-y surface dream business, however. I. Am. Busy.

[ She gestures with her free hand for emphasis. There's a bone saw in it. ]

If what those. Whatever they were that brought me here. Demons or spirits or what have you- Whatever they were, I was told there are others here. If that's the case, my name is Sister Sara, I'm a sawbones by trade. I'm hoping you lot are in better shape than the crew I just got yanked from, seeing as how these Fade creatures didn't even do the decent and bring my bag with me. I ain't sanctioned for it, but if we're in a pinch, I'll do your last rites. Don't reckon the Maker is too picky about who says the proper words in situations like this, so long as they get said. And if there's any of my company that happened to fall through with me, tell Sister Eloisa she can go to the fucking pit if she thinks for one minute-!

[ The rant and the recording will be abruptly cut short. Sawbones, resolutely marching away from the magical tugging feeling, is finally teleported to camp in all her bloody, exhausted fury.

The bone saw, however, has been lost to the forest. ]

Comments

Audio

[unsealthecatbox]

[The view from the mirror doesn't face Ange. It all shows the forest, somewhere among the trees]

We're alive and without lifechanging injuries after having faced a bunch of supernatural creatures with the side effect of making us relive our worst memories and two women trying to capture us for their lady's sinister purposes. Do we meet your lofty standards?

[Even though Ange says that sarcastically, she does feel a little bad for Sara here. Sounds like she was in the middle of something, if the word about war was any indication. Well, tough luck, she thinks]

[okayimin]

[ Joke's on you, Ange. Sawbones is impervious to sarcasm when she's In A Mood.]

Fade nugshit, like I said. Who're these women then? Demons? Are we watching out for them still or have you lot managed to kill them already?

[unsealthecatbox]

[Goodness, joke is on her, indeed, haha]

No, they're still alive. There's no way we won't face them again in the future. Whatever they are, I doubt they'll be deterred because we got away once.

[okayimin]

Blasted luck of it. [ The heat of her rage is cooling a bit now that she's actually talking to someone and not just stomping through a forest, snarling. ]

Well, if they didn't make off with any of the mages, I reckon that's as good as a win for now. How many do we have, anyhow? If whatever spirit is doing this is pulling in someone like me, you lot must have a fair few.

[steelandtemper]

What's "Fade" in this context?

[Asks the obvious Fade spirit.]

[okayimin]

[ Just the most withering glare. ]

Oh none of that. I might be a dwarf, but I ain't completely sun blind. I've had two dreams from you lot, I know a spirit when I see one.

[steelandtemper]

[Eyeroll.]

I'm not a spirit. [What is this superstitious nonsense.] I'm an AI.

[She's not in a particularly good mood, either, but an annoyed Cortana is a clipped, brisk Cortana. The torrent of abuse comes when she's worried and disguising it as anger.]

[okayimin]

[ Suspicious squint. ]

What's an ay-eye.

[the_hit_list]

[ Tim will put aside his navel-gazing for something like this. ]

There isn’t any tech I’ve seen around here that could handle the demands of an AI. There isn’t any tech.

[ The AI is fascinating, and he will have questions, but right now he’s more interested in the potential for electronic and computer components. ]

[likeits1999]

Oh uh. Hey.

[ Wait, no, he shouldn't have said anything. But now Kevin's started talking and he has to finish. Fuck. ]

Quick question.

Is your name... Cortana?

[talk_radio]

Everything's perfectly alright now. We're fine, we're all fine here now, thank you...How are you?

[okayimin]

[ HEY WHAT THE FUCK ]

Right, now I'm very sure this is the Fade. Or... Are you a golem?

[talk_radio]

I'm a robot. From outer space. My name's Bumblebee. Don't worry I won't hurt you.

[millenyal_pink]

Hi! I'm Elle. Welcome to... well, we don't really know where we are, or what we're supposed to do, but we do know that something really wants us to stick together.

The rundown, so far, is this: a bunch of people from completely different worlds have gotten grouped together for some sort of quest. Some people come from places with magic, some don't. Some places have super advanced technology! Some don't. So we're all working from different backgrounds trying to understand each other.

If you see something or someone that would be considered bad or evil where you come from, and it isn't actively attacking you, then ask around! There's a high chance that they're actually friendly and not at all like what you're used to.

I think that's the important stuff. Feel free to ask questions!

[Elle loves getting to tell people about things. She also loves knowing things other people don't. Really, this is a two-for-one, ideal situation.]

[okayimin]

[ Thank you Elle, that is so much. ]

Paragon's breath... All right. Do we at least got all the needfuls taken care of? Food, shelter? A bath?

[ She would actually really like a bath. ]

[millenyal_pink]

As far as I know everyone's taken care of. We haven't done anything about bathing yet, but that's a good idea. The abandoned settlement here might have some stuff that could help with that.

Video

[greyerrant]

Hello Sister. You may call me brother Loken if you need a name. I too was abducted amidst several wars.

[ Different sorts against different demons but anywho. ]

A sawbones, then. Are you... an apothecary? Do you minister to the wounded and the dying?

[okayimin]

Heavy armor for a Brother. You look more like a templar.

[ Which might actually be useful. ]

I've got a bit of apothecary training and I can say the Chant as well as any, but no, I don't minister. Most of what I do is stitch up dusters who've gotten themselves stabbed too much to keep moving.

[greyerrant]

I'm not that zealous, fortunately. [ Because Sigismund is bugfuck insane compared to him, though arguably a better swordsman. ] As for the armor, my duty requires it. And that kind of... help is going to be necessary here. This is a magical place, and the foes ranged against those brought here are... unrelenting, and in some cases vicious.

[pasthole]

What's the saw for?

Forgive me for being a simple provincial dipshit from another planet entirely, but I have somehow gotten the impression that the human physique is not particularly amenable to sharp objects in pretty much any context.

[ The grey kid is skeptical, but also wildly curious. ]

[okayimin]

[ What the fuck is a baby qunari doing here. ]

It ain't. The saw's for taking off limbs that've been wrecked too much to save. Grim work, but it's better to bind a stump than try and salvage a leg or arm that's been shattered.

[pasthole]

[ Watching her intently, apparently. Then, when she explains, he laughs aloud. ]

Wait, really? I didn't know humans could get that practical!

[hasapoint]

[There's no visual when Need speaks, and what comes through the mirror isn't true audio, but a Mindspeech stripped of its usual connotations of emotion and imagery. Sometimes she 'sounds' like an old woman, sometimes like metal scraping on stone or more metal, and it seems to come from right between the ears.]

An herb-and-knife Healer, are we? Useful. I have a few skills in that direction myself.

[okayimin]

[ She's never heard her profession described like that, but well... she's not wrong. And the voice isn't unpleasant. ]

Herb, knife and thread. Cutting's for when things have gone real bad, I'm more ready with a needle. I've midwifed more than I've done the others, but I'm hoping we won't be needing that particular talent til we find get to a proper village or some sort.

Good to know we got another healer around, though. From my experience, it never hurts to have a handful around that knows how to stop bleeding and keep dusters alive.

[hasapoint]

Difficult, necessary work all around. Glad to hear of it.

I'm more of a mage Healer, among other things, but I know a fair share about the more material side of it too and I haven't forgotten everything I know about compounding and distilling.